What do sunrises and secrets have in common?

I had a date recently ask me if I preferred sunrise or sunset. I love both, but if I had to narrow it down to just one, then I'd choose sunrise every time. Why?

Because sunrise feels like it's just for me, but sunset feels like it's for everybody. Let me explain... Very few people bother to get up before the sunrise, and even fewer people bother to sit in the silence of an approaching dawn and watch the sun peak over the horizon or listen to the birds calling to each other in the trees. I love that feeling of being alone to witness the magic of another day breaking. It has a softer, gentler energy than a sunset. New beginnings often do... they're that moment of delicious anticipation when you're not sure if it's going to be worth it or not, before the full promise of the thing has revealed itself.

I still love a sunset. I still love the glow of it, the harsh beauty of it, the glare in my eyes, and the orange and purples that appear after the sun has set. But it feels like everybody can witness the sunset without really going through much effort- they're usually awake at that time anyway, and it signals a winding down of routine so there's often time to glance out the window while preparing dinner or the windscreen on the drive home to see it's beauty. It doesn't demand as much effort or introspection and for that reason, it feels less special to me.

As I've gotten older, I've come to realise the real magic in life is in enjoying quiet moments of beauty on your own. I struggled through my entire twenties with the idea that to be alone, was to be lonely. And so I filled my life with good friends and loving family, and some not so good friends. I went out and I partied and stayed social for the majority of the week because I feared those moments of solitude and quiet.

This trip has been the ultimate sacrifice of shared moments... the majority of my time has been spent completely on my own. And I haven't yet felt that soul-crushing emotion from my twenties of being forsaken, abandoned or empty in my loneliness. In fact, being alone has made me appreciate the beauty of this country so much more, because there is nobody to distract me from the grandeur of the landscapes, there is nobody to turn and talk to, there is no purpose for me being here other than to witness the magic around me.

It's prompted me to spend a lot of time with my own thoughts and beliefs and I'm just now beginning to realise how truly life-changing it has been, because the majority of people never get this opportunity of learning who they TRULY are, away from the pressure of family and friends, away from societal expectations and childhood programming. It's not always easy to spend that much time in your own head and I've uncovered some personal beliefs and reactional behaviours that have been deeply uncomfortable, but in witnessing them and raising my awareness of who I am and who I want to be, I've been able to really spend the time reprogramming myself on a subconscious level.

This trip has felt a lot like a sunrise: a new beginning, an opportunity to transform some of the darkness and uncertainty of my twenties into the light and the new dawn of my thirties. It's been 155 days since I set out on this adventure and I've clocked over 20,000kms so far. I've ticked off some of my biggest bucket list items, I've faced down some of my worst fears, and I've seen some of the most magical landscapes known to man. And the proudest accomplishment to date, has been my own growth.

Every day I feel more at home in my skin, and more confident in the woman that I am becoming. I have worked really hard to be ok with uncertainty and the confusion that precedes big changes. I have goals I want to achieve, but no timelines... for somebody who has always had a checklist of how I wanted my life to go and by what age I should have reached those accomplishments, it feels quite freeing. I've had several people asking me, 'What's next?' and the truth is I don't know.

Broome felt like such a big achievement, it truly was the biggest milestone on my trip so far. I'd built it up in my head, listening to stories from my family and knew that I would love it before I even got there, if only because I knew that they had loved it so much. Thankfully, it lived up to my expectations and even exceeded them. But having that destination marked out as the pinnacle of my trip, I felt unsettled with the thought of leaving there last week... what was next? Why didn't I want to leave?

I sat on Cable Beach for my last sunset and journaled and thought, and swam and then thought some more. I turned inwards. I spent time with myself and found the answers I needed.

Because the secret is, that the answers you need are within you. They always have been.

They've just been hidden away in some dusty back corner of your subconscious mind, covered over by your upbringing, and your schooling, and the expectations of your society and your experiences. These dusty layers are your excuses, the whys and the cannots that your logical mind raises every time you start to get close to the truth you seek.

There's no 'easy' way to peel back these layers. It takes time and it takes an understanding of neuroscience and mindset and metaphysics.

Your layers are unique to you, and so the tools need to be customised to you to work effectively. I've worked in group programs, I've read hundreds of books, I've listened to thousands of hours of podcasts on the topic. This is fantastic because we're in an information age- you can get it free anywhere and anytime! 

But it's only going to give you surface level advice and insights because anything that is meant for the general population is like that... think about those one-size fits all hospital gowns, or if you've ever had a fake tan: the disposable panties they give you 😳😅

Ultimately, you need to spend a lot of time on your own to be able to put this advice and insight into use, you need to get deeply comfortable with looking inward and reflecting on your behaviours, your actions and your patterns of being and doing.

Most people can't handle that, and especially not at the level of depth that is required when you are first starting out on this journey. It's taken me years to get to the point of spending 98% of my time on my own and being comfortable with it, and further than that, being able to get behind the thoughts that are looping on repeat and discover the beliefs driving them. And I still have coaches and mentors to help me every single week. I'm in a mentor program, I have a coach, and I just recently started seeing a therapist again. Seeing a therapist or a coach isn't about 'being broken' or having 'something wrong'; instead for me it's a safe space to air my thoughts objectively and then have somebody challenge me on that pattern I've been stuck in, and help me program a more positive and affirmative belief instead.

I've arrived at a point where I can acknowledge who I am, what I believe in, and what I want from life without any fear, judgement, shame or guilt about it.

Life is cyclical so there are always going to be moments of darkness and of painful emotions, and they are always just before the light rises above the horizon. Understanding this is important; I now know how to use those moments to my advantage. I know that they are there to teach me lessons and that if I have the courage to sit through them and stick them out, they'll bestow the answers upon me and the whole horizon will start to lighten up. These lessons are the point of my existence here on earth, they are the purpose for each us in this lifetime.

Sitting in the dark trying to work out the answers on your is bloody hard work and it's not always effective; it's easy to get twisted up in the thoughts that are running through your mind. They're really good at throwing up covers and excuses and painful emotions to get you to look away. It doesn't feel safe for your mind to do this work, it's uncomfortable and it will resist you every step of the way. If you're not careful, you'll end up facing in the wrong direction and completely miss the lesson altogether, remaining in the dark.

That's where your coaches and mentors come in. They are the ones who gently remind you that you are not your thoughts, that they are just layers that have been put on you by other people outside of your control. They lead you back to the lesson and help you uncover it. They face you in the right direction so that when the sun starts to rise, you can see the lightness peering over the horizon and you know it's safe to keep going, to keep uncovering and reflecting and finding the answers that you seek.

If we are brave enough to sit still in the dark and learn, we are rewarded with the light of a new sunrise, a new beginning, a new opportunity. A new chapter for our lives that is just for us.

So despite the sun setting on Broome, and my most anticipated part of the trip, I will continue to journey around this countryside because I know that the sun is about to rise again and when it does, I want to be sitting and facing in the right direction ready to enjoy the magic ✨

Haley 🤍