How do I find the courage to change?

Courage is that insidious lurker… you know he’s there, but you can’t always see him. It seems that when you want to call him forward, especially when you really need him, he seems to disappear into the shadows and the depths of your mind, leaving you exposed and afraid and alone on the precipice of change. 

It’s hard to rely on somebody like that. 

If you’ve been left on that precipice before, maybe even several times, and you’ve failed to take that next step without his strength and support by your side, if you’ve withdrawn and failed at your task… 

You might be tempted to discard him forever. He’s let you down so many times before, and now you’ve decided it’s just easier to step back away from that edge and stay exactly where you are, thank you very much… it’s so much safer here on level ground, after all.  

Courage, in black and white terms, is defined as the mental and moral strength necessary to venture and persevere in the face of danger, fear or difficulty. 

It is closely related to bravery, but bravery is that bold, impulsive action in the heat of the moment. Bravery doesn’t require a lot of conscious thought or justification. 

Courage is believing in a cause, knowing all the associated risks and dangers, and consciously justifying that the cause is still worth fighting for.

It would be too easy for me to sit here and explain to you that courage is a little bit shy; the more you can coax him out, the more you can prove to him that it’s safe to reveal himself… the more he’ll feel comfortable showing up for you. 

A lot of people use the muscle analogy: the more you use it, the stronger it grows. 

But that doesn’t really help you when you’re standing right on the edge of a massive groundbreaking decision to change your life, and he’s curiously absent from the frontlines.  

That fear response to change is real. We’re thankfully not at risk of being eaten alive by lions, tigers, or bears when we walk out of our cave entrance anymore, so those fear responses have shifted somewhat. And sure, when you compare the risk of being eaten alive, and the risk of harsh judgement from your family, it may seem silly and inconsequential, but the risk is relative to the period that we live in. 

Human beings were created as social creatures for two biological reasons:

1. Because survival rates are much higher when we are in a group and can defend ourselves against mother nature and other predators

2. Because the sole aim of our species is procreation and survival of our progeny so that our line continues.  

Being judged by your peers, your family, and your colleagues is incredibly scary and your body will react defensively to protect you… because being ostracised and cast away meant that your fate was doomed, and further, that you were unable to complete your intended purpose of procreation… Nobody wants to mate with the outcast and live dangerously on the fringes. 

No wonder your body has a visceral response to standing on the precipice of change! I also found it incredibly helpful to understand why I cared so much about judgement from others… It's an inbuilt survival mechanism that helped us evolve over time. 

The physiological responses (sweaty palms, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on his sweater already, mum’s spaghetti) that rise up when you consider doing something new are programmed into you to keep you safe from harm.

They’re not unique to you, and it doesn’t mean you’re a coward when you feel those feelings rise up: you’re just human. And you can’t just out-think those feelings or try and shame courage into making an appearance when you need him… 

I tried to do that for years and I failed every time. I know you’ve been trying for years too … and failing. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

The shame and the guilt and the empty promises didn't coax courage out and help me radically change my life in just 12 months… so what did? 

Knowledge.

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Knowing exactly how my body, mind, and soul were created from an evolutionary standpoint has helped me to understand why I have these thoughts and emotional responses.

Everything in your body is controlled by the subconscious mind; and it’s sole aim? To keep you alive and safe. 

It doesn’t care about your happiness or your purpose or your sense of fulfilment. Its only job is to keep you well enough to procreate and ensure the survival of the species. 

Sounds harsh… but from an evolutionary standpoint it makes sense. 

You say you want change, but you know damn well that standing on that precipice, considering jumping into the unknown... It feels uncomfortable and unsafe. 

Your subconscious mind hates that. And it controls our friend, courage, who is hiding somewhere in the shadows too scared to come out because he doesn’t believe this particular precipice is the best option right now. It would be much more comfortable to stay on level ground where you are, and who cares if it’s boring or you’re a little unfulfilled? You’re safe there, and that’s the main thing. 

You can’t outthink thousands of years of evolutionary programming. You have to study it and learn about yourself and understand why you think these thoughts so you can create a clear plan moving forward. 

The precipice IS scary because you don’t know what’s down there at the bottom. Your body, mind, and soul are fighting the change because it IS a risk. 

So work with your subconscious mind, not against it. 

Find out exactly where you want to go and why, so that you can start building a staircase there, instead of jumping and hoping madly that you’ll learn to fly, or that somebody else has conveniently left a plush mattress for you to land on. 

It’s about knowing the risks and the dangers, and being so confident in your plan moving forward that your friend, courage, feels your conviction and trusts that it’s safe enough to come out and support you.

I’m running a free online masterclass on this exact topic in a few weeks and it’s the perfect first step towards understanding change and the role your subconscious mind plays.

There's real power in learning how to work with your inbuilt survival mechanisms, not against them. Can you imagine what would possible for you when you embrace change, instead of fearing it?

Registration for the event and all details will go live next week and I’m so excited to support you to start making lasting, powerful changes in your life. 

It’s time to take change down from that scary precipice, and start building towards the life you really want, step by step.