Love, fear & speed-dating

Hey friends,

I have been MIA the last couple of weeks... When I left the Tablelands near Cairns, I was miserable after two weeks of near constant rain and the missed opportunities I'd had to enjoy the waterfalls properly. Arriving back out in the country, smelling the dust, seeing the bright pinks and oranges of the sunrise and sunset, and all of the stars again made me one very HAPPY girl.

But it also came with a price: a cold that I've been desperately trying to shake off in the meantime! I'm not sure if it's the dust, or the cold nights (it's been down to three degrees quite a few nights🥶), or even an emotional-ego-death-thing that I'm trying to process here but it's really been zapping my energy. If you've been keeping up with my socials, you'll have noticed that I had a really hard week last week... there were a lot of big emotions that came up for me, and I really missed my brother. I always miss him, every single day, but sometimes that feeling hits harder for some reason and there's not really any rhyme or reason for it.

Our emotions are there to teach us lessons about the people, places and situations that we love in life, and those we need to step away from. In all my study, I keep being drawn to the conclusion that all of our feelings take root in two basic emotions: LOVE and FEAR.

If you lose a child in the shopping centre, you're either going to react in anger because you fear the consequences of what could have happened to them while out of sight, or you'll react with love and be so grateful that they're back in your arms. Have a guess at which reaction is going to actually make you, and your child, feel better?

So often the stories we tell ourselves about our situations run our lives and we don't even realise it. Our words are so, so powerful and we have to take more care with the things we say out loud about ourselves and even in our own heads. As a fully certified Neuro-linguistic Practitioner, I care deeply about the way that words impact our identities, and then our daily habits and actions. I've had a lot of clients recently who come to me saying things like 'I'm an anxious person', or 'I'm bad', or 'I'm stuck', and I think it's really important to realise that your subconscious mind will do everything in it's power to make sure that it is correct and is living up to the expectation you have created of it...

If you keep saying 'I'm an anxious person', then it is going to create a set of behaviour and feelings inside of you to fulfil that. One of my favourite sayings has always been, 'Look good, feel good!' and while I do believe that putting some effort and pride into your presentation will give you a mood-boost, it also became a way for me to hide behind the idea that if I 'looked good', that was pleasing to others and I could then ignore everything else that I was feeling.

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In the last couple of weeks I've been really blessed to have had some deep personal conversations with friends and family. Some of those conversations have been really hard to hear and they've called me to task, and some of those conversations have been really lovely as they've helped me see some positive blind spots that I wasn't aware of. The old Haley would have reacted very differently to both of these kinds of conversations in the past... I was terrified of letting people in to know the real me, because I didn't really know the real me. I've always loved a deep and meaningful, but I was very careful about how much information I ever revealed about myself. I had this perfectly curated image of who I was meant to be, and that's the person that everyone knew and loved. I feared that if I wasn't that person, then nobody would love me. I didn't want feedback; good or bad.

This fear held me back for a really long time. It showed up in my every day habits and actions when I got dressed in the morning, when I agreed to take part in things but only if I already knew exactly what I was doing, at work when I held myself back from teaching senior English for so long because I was scared to learn something new... It affected my friendships, the types of people that I spent time with, my family, and my relationships over the years too.

I've obviously shifted a lot in the last couple of years, but every now and then an old habit or way of thinking will surface and the only thing I can do is spend time trying to understand it, and reassure my subconscious mind that it's safe to let go of it. Remembering that our systems are hardwired for survival, and that after holding onto a belief for literal decades, it can make our minds a little protective of holding onto these ideas and stories we've believed about ourselves. It doesn't make my mind bad, or me a bad person, it just means that internally, my mind is scared to let go and trust in a new idea. A little like letting go and trusting that everything will work out in the future!

I have the tools there to release emotions quickly and easily, and I have the tools there to reset my energy, but rewiring long-held beliefs, and essentially rewiring who you are at an identity level can take some time, energy and patience.

In the meantime, I have been making sure to really soak up as much sunshine and warmth as I possible can because these are my happy places and I firmly believe that we should be trying to enjoy life every single day! Since cruising West, I've been and seen some really cool places on my travels, including the natural springs at Mataranka, Bitter Springs, and Katherine. I've been to two different big events, the Cloncurry Challenge and Campdraft, and I've just finished the Katherine Show, Campdraft and Rodeo.

I've been really pushing myself outside of my comfort zone by attending these events on my own... it's not easy to sit in a crowd on your own without a friend and I've also been doing it mostly sober. I have allowed myself to have a couple of drinks on one night at each event, but definitely not where I'm drinking enough to avoid the discomfort of being solo. I even signed up to the Katherine rodeo speed dating event!

It would have been quite the Mills & Boon plot line... there I was, a lone female traveller passing through town but inextricably called to sign up for the event. Sitting on a haybale underneath string lights, the orange sunset in the background all highlighted by the halo of dust in the air from the rodeo arena. There were long lines of cowboys queued up at the bar, and the announcer's voice competing with the showground ride music and ferris wheel lights...

But alas, and much to my family's chagrin, most of the cowboys were 19 year old ringers just doing their season 'up north' or there was one brave 68 year old man. It was a cracking turn out and there were well over 100 people with name-tags on hoping to meet the love of their life, or their root of the rodeo, but I was not one of them. It was a bit of chaotic fun and I'm really glad I pushed myself to do it because I met some really cool people with amazing stories, and that bit of social connection is always really welcome after travelling solo.

All of my feelings, my beliefs, identity and my experiences are intertwined. My travel has allowed me to step out of my comfort zone physically, but also emotionally as well and that has been such a beautiful blessing. I knew that I needed some time on my own this year to really understand on a deeper level who I was and what I wanted, so I could confront those fears of mine that told me I wasn't good enough/ brave enough/ smart enough etc etc. By confronting scary things in my external world, I'm also teaching myself to tackle my emotions and mindset head on as well.

The next time you're confronted with an uncomfortable feeling, check in with yourself and get curious about where it's coming from. Is it something that you want to do, but are just feeling some fear around? Where is that fear coming from? Is there an actual risk of life and death, or is it just perceived as being really bad? You don't feel fear in your comfort zone, but you also get stuck there, so if you're feeling fear it just means that it's unfamiliar to your mind and you have to move through it.

Remember the ego-death-cold that I spoke about earlier? Sometimes our bodies have to process all of that stuck energy and literally purge it from our bodies so w can let go the old identity fully and step into our next version of self. If you've been feeling heavy, overly emotional, or even sick, then think of it as your body releasing old beliefs and energies that no longer serve you. This season of feeling perfectly aligns with the moon cycles too, as the full moon we just had two nights ago was all about releasing the old, and embracing the new energies for the second half of this year.

If any of this resonated with you, or if you think it could be useful for a friend, please feel free to reply and let me know your thoughts, or even forward it to that friend! I'll be releasing some really cool products and offers in the next few weeks, so keep an eye out, but I am also starting to get busy with bookings so please reach out sooner rather than later if you've been considering a session with me.

Sending love and warmth until next week,

Haley 🤍