The importance of Having friends cooler than you 🤠

Last week, I was stopped over in Charleville for a couple of nights longer than I'd originally intended when my solar battery system decided it didn't want to greet the day with me on Wednesday morning.

I got out of bed, turned the water on to wash my face, and abruptly felt my heart sinking when I heard the beeping noise... the beeping noise being a key indicator that something isn't sitting right with the batteries. When I'd bought the van, I was extremely lucky that the guy who had converted it had used a fantastic solar and battery system- in fact it was apparently so good, that there was no way I would have spent that much money on my own if I'd been converting my van from scratch.

So, it was particularly frustrating that I'd had several issues with it.. a fuse for the water pump had blown, a circuit breaker had tripped preventing the alternator from charging while driving, and now everything had gone completely dead overnight... when I distinctly remembered it being on 93% before I turned everything off for bed the night before.

I sent a couple of pictures off to my brother in law asking him for his electrician advice, and he in turn asked his brother to give me a call to troubleshoot further. For those of you who don't know, said brother happens to be my ex-boyfriend. We spent an hour on the phone that morning going over every little system and electrical issue that I was experiencing and it struck me when I got off the phone that most people would not consider that 'normal'... and it's something that I'm inordinately grateful for. Our ability to have cultivated a friendship and to be able to spend Christmas and other family events together without any resentment.

Now, of course he couldn't resist telling me that I was doing everything wrong, and of course I countered that argument, but it was so helpful to be able to honestly ask for his advice. In addition, knowing that even thousands of kilometres away, there are so many people I could rely on and ask for help from.

I've spent so much of my life forging an identity of independence that it feels foreign, and frankly uncomfortable, to ask for help or advice from others.

I even had a council worker stop by the van and enquire about whether I'd stayed the night there in the park. I sheepishly replied that I had, but I'd be moving on very soon. He laughed when he realised that I thought I was in trouble- all he wanted to know was whether I'd heard the sprinklers turn on at 3am last night 😅

When he heard that I was investigating power issues, he jumped in and even had a look around the system himself to see if there was anything obvious that I had missed, he recommended an auto-electrician for me, and then drew me a mud map for a really cool fishing spot along the river that only the locals knew about so I could go for a drive to recharge my batteries. The auto-elecy was called, and told me he'd fit me in at the end of the day when he got back into town.

It was about this point, at 9am in the morning that I realised how bloody accomodating and helpful people really love to be. I thought back over previous situations where I had encountered somebody with a problem, and realised just how much satisfaction and fulfilment I felt when I could help them out. It feels good to be able to help somebody. So why is it so bloody hard to ask for help? In our society we have this narrative around asking for help- that it must mean we are incapable ourselves, or weak for having to rely on others.

It's definitely a reflection that I'm working on right now, on being able to accept help more readily when it is offered to me. The consequences of not accepting the help are triplefold: one, we do not get the solution to the problem we have; two, we hurt the other person by rejecting their offers for assistance; and three, we hurt ourselves by reinforcing the narrative that we are either unworthy or too superior to ask for help. Because that's really what it boils down to, either feeling like we don't deserve it for some reason, or our ego telling us not to reduce ourselves in the eyes of other people.

The update here is that the auto-elecy replaced the circuit breaker that was underload, allowing my alternator to charge everything properly while driving. We're still not 100% sure about the sudden-dying-of-the-batteries-overnight situation, but it seems to be working fine now so fingers crossed that everything behaves 🥳

The upside to all of this, is that my friend Tup gave me a call out of the blue and asked me if I was still going to be around Augathella on Saturday night. It was only an hour from Charleville and seemed like divine timing that I was delayed there for a couple extra days because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to catch up with her at the rodeo she was driving up to. And this is where the title of this post comes in... because I know Tup from the campdrafting scene down in Victoria. Augathella is in Outback Western Queensland, an odd 2000km drive for her.

She was towing a fancy caravan that wasn't hers, a dozen chickens, and two kittens- all for delivery around the Augathella area- and when she'd heard the rodeo was on she decided to give it a shot. She's been competing in the Ladies ranch ride event for about 12 months now, but chucked in for the bullock ride as well on a whim. In addition, she had a work experience student with her who decided to do the steer ride, and a couple of other friends who drove from the bottom of Victoria, about 26 hours total, to compete in the ranch ride, and the open bull ride respectively 🤯 Talk about dedication!

Tup took out first place in the ranch ride, and her friend Jamo took out third place- an outstanding achievement for both of them. We celebrated hard, as is only fitting, and it's taken me a good couple of days to really recover 😅 But the coolest part of the weekend for me, was just being around people who believe anything is possible and there's no harm in giving anything a go at least once.

I don't really ride, but they didn't see the problem with encouraging me to give it a go too. Spoiler alert: I didn't give it a go. I took the much safer option of standing on the fence behind the chutes filming some cool videos for them to rewatch. But it was the attitude of 'We're willing to give anything a shot' that resonated with me. When you surround yourself by people who are cooler and braver than you, that attitude will inspire you to take action as well.

If you surround yourself by people who like to play it safe and stay in their comfort zone, then you will naturally encounter resistance every time you try to do something 'out of the norm'. The resistance will come from your subconcious brain because there is no evidence in your social circle that it CAN be done, but resistance will also come from from your social circle because they want you to be safe, and that can only happen when you follow what they/ you already know to be true.

It was a timely reminder for me, to keep striving for the things that are a little uncomfortable, and maybe even seem a little bit crazy to everyone else sitting at home. It seems like it was fate that caused a little battery error forcing me to stay in Charleville an extra few days, and fate that bought Tup all the way up to Outback Queensland for a rodeo, and that we could catch up and have some fun together while we were there.

The lesson for me right now is this: don't ask for advice off people who aren't doing what you want to do.

If you want to start a business but nobody in your friend group has ever done it before, then they're probably not the right people to ask for advice from. If you want to travel overseas but your parents have never done it before, then they're probably not the right people to ask for advice from. It doesn't mean they don't love you. It doesn't mean that you can't talk to them about it. But it does mean that you should find somebody who has already done the thing that you want to do, and follow them for their advice. They have the experience and the knowledge that you need.

Often, the poeople close to us can really only offer us their perspective on life. And that's a beautiful thing, but it's also a limiting thing. Because their perspective is to keep you safe and to steer you away from danger and taking risks. But the only way to grow and to evolve is to take the risks... so find yourself some friends who are doing cooler shit than you. Find yourself a mentor who is already doing the thing that you desire. Find yourself a coach who will help you work out what it is that your heart is calling you to chase. Get people in your corner who force you to dream bigger than you've ever dared to dream before.

And then chase your dreams fool. Life is too short to be sitting around wishing and waiting and watching everyone else do cool shit ✨

Do something this week that scares the pants off you (this is probably a good time to insert a disclaimer: do something that feels uncomfortable and like it's going to push you, but please don't do anything potentially life risking and blame it on me 😅)

Haley 🤍